BITS & BITES

Have I mentioned Rex is a very loving, yet highly neurotic, manipulative bastard? He's been acting out since I got the new car. It's smaller and I don't have as much room, so he goes for rides less often. I've explained this very logically to him - it's nothing personal. Maybe it's canine stubborness, but he chooses to ignore my assurances.

Instead, he rummages through the garbage while I'm gone. Lovely homecoming that makes. And he mopes. Have you ever had a dog let out a huge, long- suffering sigh whist eyeing you through their lashes? Oy, the guilt!

The worst thing is the way he follows me everywhere. To the kitchen. The laundry room. Living room. Bedroom. Back to the laundry room. After tripping over him a few thousand times, I park us on the couch to give him some love, but even that's not good enough for him. If I so much as budge an inch, he glances down at my feet. I swear he's looking for shoes.

Last night he scratched at the bathroom door. WTH? Did he think I was climbing out the window??? I really love this dog, and I can appreciate he needs some extra attention, but I've been doin' my biz alone for 38 years and I'm not about to change my habits now. With the possessive way he looks at me, it would be just too creepy to ask him to join in the fun, and honestly, I'm getting fed up with being stalked by my own dog.

So, I finally lost it. Yelled. It involved name-calling. I understand amends are in order - not exactly proud of my actions, but cool-off time was the first order of business. Later, I tried to suck up apologize to him and was snubbed. He suddenly decided to make me work for his attention. I think it's part of his new plan.

This morning I was still in my jammies, reading email and enjoying a coffee, while he and Roxy went out to romp in the snow. The yard isn't fenced, so we don't leave them out long without one of their people. After enough time for them to do what dogs have to do in the morning, I opened the patio door to let them my normally obedient mutts in. Standing there shivering, I called their names and cringed.

When we got the new pup, Rex & Roxy sounded too darned cute. We figured out too late, that it's a confusing combination for them and us, and it sounds really stupid out loud. Regardless, they know the routine and she bolted halfway across the yard before skidding to a halt just out of my reach. Why? Because HE was sitting there, in the snow, staring at me. I called him again. WOULD. NOT. BUDGE. I don't know what kind of dogspeak he used on her, but she ran and sat beside him. The traitor.

I continued to call them, my voice getting louder and sterner. Unprotected by my fuzzy slippers, my ankles were getting goose-bumps and I was running low on patience. Of all the nerve, the dog would not listen. Finally, I bellowed. "REEXXXXXX, GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!" Wily bugger didn't even flinch.

The door slammed, I put my shoes on barefoot, tightened the belt on my robe and prepared to stomp out in the snow to drag him back. One foot out the door, he glanced down at my shoes, looked up at me with satisfaction, and they both trotted into the house.

I'm glad he let's me be in charge sometimes.