Here's something all women know, but men just don't get: As if fashion wasn't enough of a pain in the ass, summer fashion increases our bra requirements.
Oh, I can just hear the men snickering... "No, really, it doesn't. Forget bras. We don't mind."
Gawd, you PIGS are so predictable.
As I was saying before the boy children got excited about boobies and drooling on their keyboards...in the summer, REAL women require a whole new bevy of bras we can avoid other times of the year. It's not as simple as picking up a strapless, a halter, a sports bra and a racerback. Oh, no! Every woman is now faced with this dilema...what kind of bra does that perfect little top she picked up require? Full-coverage or low-cut? Demi or full-cup? Front clasp, back or one-piece? Sheer or padded? Lace, lycra or cotton? Does she wanna puff the girls up or squish 'em down? AND, since fabrics are more sheer in the summer, we need bras in every colour known to the sick fashionista bastards who hold us hostage.
This is not a joking matter.
A few examples of our choices: white, snow, ecru, beige, brown, nude, blush, peach, orange, tangerine, rose, dusty rose, red, ruby, cherry, burgundy, canary, buttercup, lemon, mint green, forest green, emerald, aqua, turquoise, baby blue, teal blue, sapphire, midnight blue, blue-black, black, charcoal grey, dove grey, silver grey...
Dear gawd, I don't even want to think about patterns. The mind boggles.
Anyone who loves buying lingerie doesn't understand how frustrating a woman such as I finds all these choices. Let's face it...I'm never gonna have a bra for absolutely every occasion. It's futile to try and I HATE shopping for them. I finally broke down the other night. At the checkout in WalMart, I gave in to impulse and bought one of those "self-adhesive bras" marketed to dummies like Moi, desperately trying to end the very expensive Bra-o-rama.
For those who haven't seen it, I will do my best to explain something that you really need to see to understand. The re-usable flesh coloured cups are made from silicone and seperate pieces connect with clear plastic front clasps. The inside is sticky, which becomes...ummm....re-sticky after hand washing with mild soap. Basically, you just slap those suckers on, smooth the edges and clasp it together. You can even create cleavage by placing them farther apart...pull together, clasp, and voila...instant va-va-voom! No worries about straps, colour or fabric....you appear to be a (new and improved) braless babe. How clever! Au naturel lift with cleavage.
Ladies, doesn't it sound grand?
I was terribly excited and raced home. When I opened the package, Sugah Pie grabbed one, her face scrunched up and she dropped it like it was nuclear waste.
"Ewwww," she sputtered. "Gross! It feels like raw chicken."
And won't the boys be excited by a handful of that?
: )
Oh, I can just hear the men snickering... "No, really, it doesn't. Forget bras. We don't mind."
Gawd, you PIGS are so predictable.
As I was saying before the boy children got excited about boobies and drooling on their keyboards...in the summer, REAL women require a whole new bevy of bras we can avoid other times of the year. It's not as simple as picking up a strapless, a halter, a sports bra and a racerback. Oh, no! Every woman is now faced with this dilema...what kind of bra does that perfect little top she picked up require? Full-coverage or low-cut? Demi or full-cup? Front clasp, back or one-piece? Sheer or padded? Lace, lycra or cotton? Does she wanna puff the girls up or squish 'em down? AND, since fabrics are more sheer in the summer, we need bras in every colour known to the sick fashionista bastards who hold us hostage.
This is not a joking matter.
A few examples of our choices: white, snow, ecru, beige, brown, nude, blush, peach, orange, tangerine, rose, dusty rose, red, ruby, cherry, burgundy, canary, buttercup, lemon, mint green, forest green, emerald, aqua, turquoise, baby blue, teal blue, sapphire, midnight blue, blue-black, black, charcoal grey, dove grey, silver grey...
Dear gawd, I don't even want to think about patterns. The mind boggles.
Anyone who loves buying lingerie doesn't understand how frustrating a woman such as I finds all these choices. Let's face it...I'm never gonna have a bra for absolutely every occasion. It's futile to try and I HATE shopping for them. I finally broke down the other night. At the checkout in WalMart, I gave in to impulse and bought one of those "self-adhesive bras" marketed to dummies like Moi, desperately trying to end the very expensive Bra-o-rama.
For those who haven't seen it, I will do my best to explain something that you really need to see to understand. The re-usable flesh coloured cups are made from silicone and seperate pieces connect with clear plastic front clasps. The inside is sticky, which becomes...ummm....re-sticky after hand washing with mild soap. Basically, you just slap those suckers on, smooth the edges and clasp it together. You can even create cleavage by placing them farther apart...pull together, clasp, and voila...instant va-va-voom! No worries about straps, colour or fabric....you appear to be a (new and improved) braless babe. How clever! Au naturel lift with cleavage.
Ladies, doesn't it sound grand?
I was terribly excited and raced home. When I opened the package, Sugah Pie grabbed one, her face scrunched up and she dropped it like it was nuclear waste.
"Ewwww," she sputtered. "Gross! It feels like raw chicken."
And won't the boys be excited by a handful of that?
: )
3 comments:
It's taken me a full day to recover from your revelation...I'm devasated...simply prostrate with grief....sad so sad, really...
I think when we "hit" the outlet mall, we should go buy new lingerie....PRACTICE, makes perfect!!!
now I gotta go lie down again...You're killin' me...
(ambles away muttering about troops who don't "GET" the importance of a good/pretty foundation...sigh...I see my work is not yet finished...BUT, I can endure...I MUST)..
ok, it feels like raw chicken... but does it work?? LOL
.. whoa... I am continually surprised by the cleverness of modern science....
Eric
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