NEGLECTFUL BLOGGING

Wow. It's Friday again and I haven't posted anything for a week. Tsk, tsk. Profuse apologies. So what's new? Hmmm. Sweet Pea broke up with Scooter and got a new job. FYI: If anyone owns stock in a certain Canadian institution known for their coffee and itty bitty donuts, you may want to consider selling. SHE GETS FREE COFFEE!!! I am a happy Mama...keep it on the DL that they're employing my kid, would ya? ; )

The business rigamarole continues, is exhausting, and Lawyerman would advise I have to be careful about what I put in the blog. Hell, I didn't go to law school and I'm smart enough to know that. WTF are we paying him the big bucks for again?!?! Ack, that's something to discuss later. I've been keeping a journal, so once it's all settled, I'll bore you with the gory details.

Since you're all nice enough to keep coming back to check up on me, it's only fair I post something. I'm all about fair. Unfortunately, my GaFF on blogging is pretty low right now. Creativity is at an all-time low. I'm cloaked in an aura of the absurd, but nothing seems funny enough to share. Yesterday Motorman said, "I'd like to say one day we'll laugh about this, but I doubt we will. It's just that bad." He also suggested between himself, Manimal and I, we dispense with such niceties as asking, "How are ya?" at the beginning of phone calls because, really, we all know it ain't gonna be good. Is this the beginning of our downfall? Whatever will become of us if we don't even have good manners anymore??? Heh. Maybe we'll laugh about that part one day.

'Til then, I had to rely on the joke archives to find a ha-ha to share. I chose these two because the first made me snicker and the second actually got a LOL. Then, because I'm so stressed out, I second guessed myself...will these jokes be offensive? Will the PC Police come after me? Fuck, I just hate them...the pompous, humourless droids aggravate the hell out of me! I'm trying to remember the last politically correct joke that made me laugh...I suppose it says something about me that I can't think of a single one, but I assure you, it doesn't mean what they say it does. Seems to me that just because you can find humour in something, it doesn't mean your core values are lacking. I had this argument with one of my college professors after she heard me repeat a joke...imagine how big this went over with She of the Women's Studies...

How did PMS get it's name?

Mad cow disease was taken.

I AM a woman. Trust me on this, I've been treated unfairly for no other reason than because I'm a woman. I've had/have/am currently searching for a gun or chocolate PMSing, and I think that little joke is gotdamn hilarious! Do I believe repeating this joke contributes to inequality? *snort* Puleeeeze. Must have really irked her to have to give me an A+ in her course. Teehee.

Iffin' ya can't take a little non-PC funnin', don't bother reading these jokes. You'll just get your knickers in a knot, blathering about how jokes that rely on stereotypes lack intelligence and further the oppression of the downtrodden. It will ruin your weekend. You may become so offended you'll feel the need to leave me a comment in the guise of enlightening me. You will forget that I warned you, as I am right now, that I'm wound so tight I'm starting to vibrate. I simply cannot wait for the first dumb schmuck to cross me. The tension is getting to me, people. I'm just looking for a fight and because you had the audacity to speak your mind....NO...you actually disagreed with me, I'll have to rip you a new one. It will be very ugly. I will spew venom. Does annhilation mean anything to you? Certainly, I will feel better in the short term, but it won't solve anything. Really, life's enough of a bitch without me being one....ummm, perhaps I should add unnecessarily to that statement : ) Do your part in making the world a better place today and choose wisely.

Remember, I gave ya fair warning. They're just jokes, not an indicator of who I am or what I believe in...they're just jokes!!! : )

A man boards an aeroplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or vacation?"

"Nymphomaniac Convention in Milan," she states.

Whoa!!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says. "I use my experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that Black men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Greek descent."

Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry," she
says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," the man says, as he extends his hand. "Tonto Papadopoulos."

***
An Australian, an Irishman and a Newfie are in a bar. They're staring at another man, suddenly the Irishman says, "That man there is Jesus!" Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a bottle of Molson Canadian. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement, "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. "Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Newfie who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God. "What's wrong my son?" asked Jesus.

The Newfie shouts, "Fuck off, I'm on workers compensation!!"

***

Hah, after the build up, I betcha you're just a little disappointed. C'mon, people, what did you expect? Cat in the blender jokes?

Have yourself a great weekend : )