Had a great weekend, didn't get even close to stupidly drunk. Truth be told, I didn't want to get verbal diahrea in front of Manimal's mom. I found myself feeling extremely protective of her...the CMDR would call it my Mama Bear mode...yes, some people are in need of a whoopin' and a part of me wants to be the girl to do it.
Fact is, she's been widowed for less than three months, is having a hard time, and it must be exhausting work to steadily make the effort to move on. Was their marriage perfect? Certainly not. Yet, regardless of their human frailties, her companion of almost forty years is gone. I just can't imagine how painful it must be, and it's all being made worse by the insensitivity, selfishness and downright cruelty of some family members. That has me a little pissed.
However, I'm well aware of the universal rule that states, "I can bitch about my family, but if someone else does, it's go time." Sooo, I decided it was best to keep my wits about me, ensuring I'd always be able to locate my Shutthefuckupicis at a moment's notice.
We spent Friday and Saturday at the trailer relaxing because Manimal's mom looked really tired. I s'pose I better give her a blog name...how 'bout Manimama? Yes, I like it!
You don't?
Hmmm....
Too bad!! My blog. You are aware this is a dictatorship, right?
Well then...where was I? Oh, yes. Saturday. Mamacita took Manimama out to some yard sales in the afternoon. I think they needed the mental reprieve after Manimal almost sunk the boat. Yes, he really almost sank it. Damn can that boy move fast when he wants to....running, driving his truck to the launch, begging people to move out of his way, running back to the dock, pulling the boat out. A virtual whirlwind of activity (and entertaining as hell to other campers.) Seems he forgot to put the plug back in, and while he was bbq'ing and eating lunch, it was taking on water...now that coulda happened to anyone, right? *snort* Lucky bugger. Another 1/2 hour, and it would have been the boat we used to have.
Sunday we drove to Niagara Falls - Manimama confessed she was feeling guilty for making us drive so far - until we went on the Maid of the Mist. For anyone who's never been, it's well worth it to wear the hefty bag rainjackets and take that $14 boat ride. It's awe inspiring and the smile on her face was absolutely joyous. We had dinner at Planet Hollywood and I cracked up when this normally serious woman grinned at me while saying, "This seems fitting..." and ordered the smoothie called, "Home Alone." I think Ted would have LOVED it that she could make a small joke out of all the heartache.
Monday we went to the Hockey Hall of Fame and the CN Tower. Never a fan of heights, I waited in the tower restaurant while they checked out the glass floor...because really, I was trying hard to forget I was 114 storeys up. While I was waiting, I got the biggest laugh of my weekend.
I really wasn't trying to eavesdrop...a couple was sitting at the table next to me and she was one of those people who don't understand conversational voice. I swear I don't think I heard him say much, but I learned more about that woman than I know about some of my own family members. From what Iwas subjected to could gather, they were on a first date and were in getting to know each other mode. In reality, we were all getting to know her. I will share, since she obviously wanted AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE to know the intimate details of her life.
Imagine his delight, showing up in a nice jacket, tie and pants, and she arrives wearing a threadbare, beige, baggy sweater, brown skirt to the ankles - over black pants, no less - and a blue kercheif on her head. I can almost hear him now..."Woowhee, this one might be a keeper."
Over the next twenty minutes, she explained in excruiciating detail things I was thinkin' no man on a first date needs nor wants to hear. And he was being so polite, making interested hmmm and ahhh noises. I was hoping she would use his name so I could have the poor SOB paged. "You don't know me, but I feel your pain. This is your chance to run. Before you decide, ask yourself...can you honestly imagine being with this woman in ten years when she is no longer trying to wow you??? Run, you stupid man, RUN!"
I'd read the menu twelve times and was ready to beat Manimal if he didn't hurry up when I heard the fellow say, "Oh, well, I'm 44. That's a bigger age difference than I think I'm comfortable with." And she responded, "Would it make you feel better if I told you my first lover was 32 when I was 19? That's sooo much more of a difference than us." Sadly, I didn't get his response, but it couldn't have been forceful enough because the fair maiden was non-plussed. She proceeded to tell him she's only had four lovers because her body is very important to her, so she's particular about who she shares it with. I switched from coffee to beer.
Over on the Dating Game, the catch known as our bachlorette continued to share with lucky bachelor #658 - who was probably swearing off dating and/or considering jumping out the window, that shaving is an unnatural act. My mind was screaming, "HOW did I know she was going to say that?!?!" I swear, when she told him if people just didn't shave, the hair would become less dense like on our arms, held out her arm to demonstrate, and the dumb fucker actually reached out, touched and muttered, "Ah...um...yeah" I thought, "Oh, you tool. You DESERVE no better because you are TOO stupid and polite to save yourself!!!"
But then...the absolute kicker came shortly before my party arrived. Alas, it was too late to save me from doing what I do best.
She asked him, "Do you know what I tell people when they ask me why I don't shave?" I should have seen it coming but there was no time to prepare before she answered herself fiercely, "Because I'm a MAMMAL!!"
There I was...at a table for six all by myself...laughing my ass off and too far gone with the absolute injustice inflicted upon women mammals everywhere by the patriarchal razor blade companies to even try to hide it.
Fact is, she's been widowed for less than three months, is having a hard time, and it must be exhausting work to steadily make the effort to move on. Was their marriage perfect? Certainly not. Yet, regardless of their human frailties, her companion of almost forty years is gone. I just can't imagine how painful it must be, and it's all being made worse by the insensitivity, selfishness and downright cruelty of some family members. That has me a little pissed.
However, I'm well aware of the universal rule that states, "I can bitch about my family, but if someone else does, it's go time." Sooo, I decided it was best to keep my wits about me, ensuring I'd always be able to locate my Shutthefuckupicis at a moment's notice.
We spent Friday and Saturday at the trailer relaxing because Manimal's mom looked really tired. I s'pose I better give her a blog name...how 'bout Manimama? Yes, I like it!
You don't?
Hmmm....
Too bad!! My blog. You are aware this is a dictatorship, right?
Well then...where was I? Oh, yes. Saturday. Mamacita took Manimama out to some yard sales in the afternoon. I think they needed the mental reprieve after Manimal almost sunk the boat. Yes, he really almost sank it. Damn can that boy move fast when he wants to....running, driving his truck to the launch, begging people to move out of his way, running back to the dock, pulling the boat out. A virtual whirlwind of activity (and entertaining as hell to other campers.) Seems he forgot to put the plug back in, and while he was bbq'ing and eating lunch, it was taking on water...now that coulda happened to anyone, right? *snort* Lucky bugger. Another 1/2 hour, and it would have been the boat we used to have.
Sunday we drove to Niagara Falls - Manimama confessed she was feeling guilty for making us drive so far - until we went on the Maid of the Mist. For anyone who's never been, it's well worth it to wear the hefty bag rainjackets and take that $14 boat ride. It's awe inspiring and the smile on her face was absolutely joyous. We had dinner at Planet Hollywood and I cracked up when this normally serious woman grinned at me while saying, "This seems fitting..." and ordered the smoothie called, "Home Alone." I think Ted would have LOVED it that she could make a small joke out of all the heartache.
Monday we went to the Hockey Hall of Fame and the CN Tower. Never a fan of heights, I waited in the tower restaurant while they checked out the glass floor...because really, I was trying hard to forget I was 114 storeys up. While I was waiting, I got the biggest laugh of my weekend.
I really wasn't trying to eavesdrop...a couple was sitting at the table next to me and she was one of those people who don't understand conversational voice. I swear I don't think I heard him say much, but I learned more about that woman than I know about some of my own family members. From what I
Imagine his delight, showing up in a nice jacket, tie and pants, and she arrives wearing a threadbare, beige, baggy sweater, brown skirt to the ankles - over black pants, no less - and a blue kercheif on her head. I can almost hear him now..."Woowhee, this one might be a keeper."
Over the next twenty minutes, she explained in excruiciating detail things I was thinkin' no man on a first date needs nor wants to hear. And he was being so polite, making interested hmmm and ahhh noises. I was hoping she would use his name so I could have the poor SOB paged. "You don't know me, but I feel your pain. This is your chance to run. Before you decide, ask yourself...can you honestly imagine being with this woman in ten years when she is no longer trying to wow you??? Run, you stupid man, RUN!"
I'd read the menu twelve times and was ready to beat Manimal if he didn't hurry up when I heard the fellow say, "Oh, well, I'm 44. That's a bigger age difference than I think I'm comfortable with." And she responded, "Would it make you feel better if I told you my first lover was 32 when I was 19? That's sooo much more of a difference than us." Sadly, I didn't get his response, but it couldn't have been forceful enough because the fair maiden was non-plussed. She proceeded to tell him she's only had four lovers because her body is very important to her, so she's particular about who she shares it with. I switched from coffee to beer.
Over on the Dating Game, the catch known as our bachlorette continued to share with lucky bachelor #658 - who was probably swearing off dating and/or considering jumping out the window, that shaving is an unnatural act. My mind was screaming, "HOW did I know she was going to say that?!?!" I swear, when she told him if people just didn't shave, the hair would become less dense like on our arms, held out her arm to demonstrate, and the dumb fucker actually reached out, touched and muttered, "Ah...um...yeah" I thought, "Oh, you tool. You DESERVE no better because you are TOO stupid and polite to save yourself!!!"
But then...the absolute kicker came shortly before my party arrived. Alas, it was too late to save me from doing what I do best.
She asked him, "Do you know what I tell people when they ask me why I don't shave?" I should have seen it coming but there was no time to prepare before she answered herself fiercely, "Because I'm a MAMMAL!!"
There I was...at a table for six all by myself...laughing my ass off and too far gone with the absolute injustice inflicted upon women mammals everywhere by the patriarchal razor blade companies to even try to hide it.
5 comments:
Made it to N Falls and didn't tell me....
Sulking :(
S.
Can't believe he could keep up his end of the conversation (and touching of the exhibits - eeewwww) while going through the list of tortures he was going to inflict on whoever the f*ing idiot was that set them up.
Thanks for the laughs.
I think "Because I'm a MAMMAL!" will be my standard answer for all questions directed my way tomorrow. Should be fun.
Love,
Kara
Coming out of lurkdom to say. Hilarious!-The furry one is not a keeper. I would have ordered desert, after dinner coffee,and a after dinner drink just to be entertained longer by the furry one. But on 2nd thought, I do have a delicate stomach and probably won't have lasted after I'd spewed out my first bite.
KERAP, you get to have al the fun...can't stop laughin'
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