EXTRA STRENGTH STRESS RELIEF

Home again - sick as a dog, no voice to speak with - but de-stressed in a way I didn't think possible. The girls weekend was amazing fun and exactly what I needed. Clearly, a Brigade OP is the only way to go when I'm so stressed I'm ready to claw someone's eyes out! I don't think anyone danced on a table, but the CMDR did dance on the bar, the alcheehol was bravely consumed in the expected, fearless manner and I'd roll anywhere with these friends!! And what of the little frog cartoon below? I actually saw the CMDR imitate him, and let me tell ya, I laughed so got damn hard I thought I'd need oxygen. The XO defies description - it was like buying a ticket to a three day private comedy festival - I got to be the quiet one, just sit back and enjoy the show. Thanx to the Peeps - I love ya all and you just rock my world. I'm honoured to call you my friends : )

1852 kms. - worth every ass-numbing minute - including the unnecessary additional 2.5 hours of my trip because I printed the wrong directions and had to stop at the visitors center in N.Y. for a map. Props to the seemingly friendly and helpful, but obviously shrewd, Canuck-hating woman there, for advising me to take the Interstate through Syracuse. I didn't suspect how cunning your plan was until my return trip on the correct route was so much shorter. Oh, how you must have laughed at my ignorance. I hope ya get a juicy bonus for the extra nine bucks I spent on the toll. Perhaps you can use it to give your broomstick a tune-up?

An aggregious WTF moment had caused my departure to be delayed until 12:30 and R&R WAS. NOT. HAPPY. about it. However, being the easy-going, go-with-the-flow kind of girl I am *snort* I kept it all in perspective, still managed to get my nails done - c'mon people, I have my priorities - called the CMDR to let her know I'd be a few hours late, amped the volume on an Eagles CD and blew down the highway. Nine and a half joyous hours later, I was sitting in the CMDRs living room with her, the XO and Grunt Mic, drinking a cold one, laughing my ass off and trying to deflect the XOs itty bitty blunder about The Secret. Honestly, between you and me, I think the CMDR needs a refresher course in situational awareness - the slip ups we all made were enormous, but she never suspected a thing. Friday we headed to Lisbon, Ohio - charming town with fantastically friendly people - to meet up with V-Medic, Grunt Lora, Smurfster and the Civilian Hostage. It was time for the taking of Bad Frogs. If you get the chance, get yourself to this bar and git the word out to others. An establishment that can still be standing host the Brigade for an entire weekend DESERVES all sorts of wonderful recommendations. Besides, it would be funny as hell to watch them gulp when you say the Brigade sent ya.

'Twas killing me not to blog about the surprise birthday party we had in store for the CMDR, but it was a FABULOSO time and I hope she knows how much we all love her : ) Thanx to V-Medic, the friendliest woman I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, for arranging the evening's entertainment and getting in touch with Adam and Dale, who arranged the adorable cake, took delivery of Sig's gift, and made us feel welcome all weekend long.

I've added some commentary to the birthday girl's take on the evening...

...so what do you do when you are standing in a bar named Bad Frogs...you've consumed MORE than your fair share of "Sex with a Frog" (AWESOME drink by the way, when you ladies get there...have 2 of them..LOOKS a whole lot like swamp water:) but lip smackin' GOOD)...Oh, I concur, that's a sneaky little drink, easy going down and packs a punch you never saw coming....due to consuming more than your fair share you've lost your shoes and your sweater has gone on a walk-about (gives a new name to the song "Tequilla makes her clothes fall off"...Now it should be "Sex with a frog" makes her clothes fall off":).....You've "threatened" one of the SEAL owners by stating that you are going to "dance on the bar" and the man never blinks an eyelash..he just very calmly looks at you, looks at the bar...looks at the ceiling fans looks back at you and says..."you're kinda short...(pause)...just don't hit your head on the ceiling fans".....WHATA MAN WHATA MAN WHATA MAN WHATA MIGHTY GOOD MAN! You've probably insulted said SEAL Man who has just sat down with you and your buds and provided a LOVELY meal, conversation, entertainment and fellowship,not to mention free drinks... not to mention battling his way through the mental mayhem the Brigade musta caused until he acclimated and lost the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look.....by saying to him "YOU GUYS are all a bunch of UNDERachievers, aren't ya?"...when he is saying....well I am only Active duty reserves SEAL's and I am only running 2 businesses single handedly and I am going to school to get my degree in Physics AND I (he blushes and stammers)...WOW, she ain't kidding, is this guy ever humble...kinda/sorta invented a thing that HELPS...well it helps catch the enemy in a MORE timely manner...Like it helped catch Zarwarrie (SP)...but the patent on that hasn't come through yet, so I really can't say much about it(to which the person (Damn XO) sitting across from you shouts "IF YOU DO, YOU'D HAVE TO KILL US?)...personally I didn't find that as hilarious as two minutes later when the XO asked the poor man if being a SEAL ever helped him get laid...uhm, I have mentioned the Brigade always respeects personal boundaries?? *snort*...AND I spend time re-doing this bar (and trust me the work he has done so far is absolutely gorgeous)...I MEAN REALLY....talk about having no goals in life and becoming a shiftless begger:)....BUT I digress....so you have just made your second (and probably LAST) attempt at bar dancing...BECAUSE...when your butt hit the bar THIS time....you looked up and saw....WWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA....THE COP....uh-oh.....now imagine this ALL happening in a 30 second time frame....someone says to you "YOU REALLY aren't going to dance on the bar"...(DARE ME???)...Why yes, Fishie, dare you to hop up on this hook...because we know something you don't know...you kick off your shoes...plant one foot on a bar stool and boost yourself up...and wha-la you are now on sitting on the bar....you look up and the cop is standing there....at the same time the bar manager says "Brenda, you need to get down and do something else right now"....you start screeching "ADAM SAID I COULD DANCE ON THE BAR"...FUH-HUN-IEST fucking thing I ever saw!!! The cop glares at you....someone goes yelling and shouting "ADAM THE COPS ARE HERE"....you think..."WELL SHIT....someone called the cops on me...Yep, he was on speed dial and morphed right over to your drunken dance-a-thon....I can't go to jail...I have to go to work tomorrow"....and in your mad scrambling mind you are debating whether to charlie mike on current mission or abort....so you decide that you should probably leave real bar dancing for another day and start to hop down....WHAT YOU DON'T know is.....Your new buddy the SEAL has helped set you up.....but you KNOW something isn't quite right...so when SEAL Man walks up to you and crooks his left elbow and says "Brenda, let's walk over here for a bit" YOU SCREAM..."BUT YOU SAID I COULD DANCE ON THE BAR"....to which he very calmly states again..."You can...just come with me first"....OH YEAH....LIKE I am not suspicious NOW....I mean reallllllllyyyy a man who is an UNDERachiever, has been nothing but polite and hospitable, plays Dean Martin on the juke box AND sings along, doesn't really drink, has been called "Tom" over and over and NOT lost patience...COME ON! Tell me YOU wouldn't be suspicious too?!?!?!?!? Or is it just me?...hehehehehheheheh...Froggie says "come with me"....I say "BUT WHY?!?!?" to which he gives me the "I can ORDER grown, trained, armed men around and they don't question me and one lil' woman is giving me the razzberries" look...BUT he prevailed and I went....right into hell....(I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE KEPT ASKING "WHY?":).....me and 203.5 of my closest friends get to see the Cop take off his clothes and fondle me....IN PUBLIC....oh the joy!....not only did the Cop take off 99.9% of his clothes AND fondle me...but he poked me in the eye with his night stick (MRAH AH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH, least that's my story AND I am stickin' to it)...giving me a huge black eye in the process....They did other things with his night stick too...how odd she doesn't "remember" this part.



but the Cop kept REPEATING to me...(ad nausea) "I NEED YOU TO ReLAX....just put your arms on this table, bend over and RELAX"....OH LIKE THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN....YEESH....and she kept squealing, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" and he'd say, "I have to touch you," and it was hysterically funny and damn hard to get photographic evidence, but get it I did. I just can't post most of it here. For now. Heh...the way I see it, I'm gonna get promoted again really damn quick ; ) DAMN ME Skippee I didn't know I was that bendy:)...and I can quareentee...I've NEVER been in MOST of those positions before in my life:)....(unfortunately I have no photos of the debacle...but I am SURE the rest of the troops will post them before to much time passes)...I was like Gumby Damnit....and since I ALMOST bar danced and I FEEL/LOOK like I've been in a REAL bar fight (bumps/bruises/contusions/black eye)...I am crossing bar fights and bar dancing off my "to do" list....

The CMDR generously shared her birthday gift with local civilians and a good time was had by all...