HAPPY TRAILS

Special greetings to my friend at Lemon Stand as she continues her recuperation. REST, girl, REST! Despite the refrain being cyber-shouted at her, we were treated to a little fresh-squeezed lemonade the other day. Pop over and read I Raise You a Rat. As usual, her blog had me lmao and marvelling at P's ability to tell a tale in such an entertaining fashion. I, ever the smartass, couldn't resist leaving a goofy comment. I'm sure when she gets a chance to read this, she will appreciate the karma in the rest of my post...

Saturday we headed out to complete the chore of "opening the trailer" for the season. I'd joked about evicting spiders, mice and any other critters that had wintered in their waterfront condo. Now, I've never claimed to be a genius, but I ain't no fool neither. Sugah Pie, Sweet Pea and Scooter tagged along, well aware they were part of the labour force. Armed with buckets, bleach, rubber gloves, bleach, rags, bleach, air freshener, bleach, broom, bleach, rake and...ummm....oh yeah, a shitload of bleach, I felt confident we would end the day tired, but with a CLEAN summer spot.

I know what you're thinking. R&R, it's frigging camping for crying out loud! Dontcha think you're being a little obsessive on the bleach? Hrmph. I think not. When Manimal and I were dating, he asked if I liked camping. I told him my idea of roughing it is choosing between packing my hairdryer OR curling iron. The trailer is major concession on my part. I'm growing, but it's a slow process. And let's remember, the place has been locked up for eight months. Gawd only knows what has been living in there. Before I cook, eat or sleep a la roughing it, I will sanitize.

By the time we arrived, Manimal had removed the tarp, and hooked up water, electricity and propane. We sat at the picnic table for a bit, the girls showed Scooter around and Manimal gave me his report. When he opened the bathroom vanity, a mouse stared him down (okaaay, I don't care if it's not cool to take a cat camping, Max is coming with me until he hunts that little sucker down!) A super-special treat for moi this year...hot water! No more boiling kettles to do dishes (such luxuries - tres exciting, yes?) The tree that fell on the trailer during the winter hadn't caused any damage (Capital L - Lucky) and since the park owner chopped it for us, we have oodles of wood for campfires (bonus.) Unfortunately, a tree falling tends to cause some commotion, and appliance doors were closed. For several months. (Uh-oh.) Perhaps gazing at my wrinkled nose caused him to break it gently.

"There's a ton of black mold in the fridge and freezer. It's pretty gross."

"You do remember I'm allergic to penecillin, right?"

"You wanna deal with the septic system?"

Touche.

So, we pressed on...Manimal and the kids carrying out patio furniture, mattresses, cushions, etc. Nothing like clean air and sunshine to air things out. The music played, the beer was consumed, and new memories were made. He dealt with the septic system and cleared brush while I washed every possible surface with my trusty bleach. While I was scrubbing away at the fridge mold, muttering, "Ew ew ewwww," I couldn't help but think of Lemon Stand's post. Serves me right for laughing at her expense! Karma's a bitch, right?

During my scouring, I'd found a half-full bottle of Mr. Clean under the kitchen cupboard. There wasn't a cap on it, and when I peered in, I saw a blackish swirl at the bottom. Thinking it was skunky, I'd set it aside on the deck to add to the trashbag. As we gathered our belongings to leave, patting each other on the back for a job well done, I realized Manimal had already taken the trash away. I decided to dump the contents behind a tree, toss the bottle in my trunk and throw it out at home. As will happen when a bottle is tipped upside down, the liquid came rushing out, but I could still feel something was stuck. I gave a hard shake and out plopped a slick, bluish, bloated, half-bald, mouse - landing on it's back, it's death stare peering up at me, tiny teeth bared by the perfect "O" on it's little mouth.

I ran out from behind the tree yelling, "OHICKICKICKIWANNNNAAAAGOOOOOHOOOOOOME!!!!" This apparently was cause for great amusement as I tried to explain my trauma. When Manimal, Scooter and the girls stopped laughing, I asked my MAN to take care of it. He replied nature would take care of it.

Whaaaaaa????

Incredulous at such insensitivity, I asked if he truly expected me to return all summer long, while he was content to leave the rodent that drowned in my cleaning supplies decomposing beside my frikin' hammock.

"C'mon," he cajoled with a grin. "We're camping."

I screeched, "DO I LOOK LIKE LAURA FUCKING INGALLS TO YOU?"

He took care of the body. And so, another summer of family fun begins.