Aaaannd...obviously that didn't work out. Then the CMDR started hers...oh, did I ever start to feel the pressure! Of course, everyone in the Zoo has needed my attention. Honestly, what is WRONG with them? Don't they realize I have an important production in the works??? Art takes time. Sheesh.
I have been thinking about it aplenty, and it's only fair to tell ya, the Soundtrack of Moi is gonna be a multi-faceted, multi-disc set. Natch. ; )
DISC ONE - Part One
"Brown Eyed Girl" - Van Morrison. His music never fails to make me feel good and I'm the youngest of five - the only one with eyes that aren't blue or green. Hah, I'm so special.
(Cmdr. I know you called it first, but I'm calling it for the Canadian soundtrack *snicker*)
I think I was 4 or 5 when "Brand New Key" came out, and it's probably my earliest memory of pop music. Man, I LOVED it when I was a kid and I can't help but smile when I think of the innocent joy I got from singing it. The words and melody just made me so happy. I still smile every time I hear it.
Brand New Key - Melanie
I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need
I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together and try them out you see
I been looking around awhile
You got something for me
Oh! I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I ride my bike, I roller skate, don't drive no car
Don't go too fast, but I go pretty far
For somebody who don't drive I been all around the world
Some people say, I done all right for a girl
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together and try them out you see
I been looking around awhile
You got something for me
Oh! I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I asked your mother if you were at home
She said, yes .. but you weren't alone
Oh, sometimes I think that you're avoiding me
I'm okay alone, but you've got something I need
Well, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
I think that we should get together and try them out to see
La la la la la la la la, la la la la la la
Oh! I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key
Happy stuff, yes? That was a good part of my childhood. The next isn't, but it's played a huge part in who I am. Therapy helped me understand it's the root of my separation issues, how I became an insomniac, and a big factor in why I stayed in an abusive marriage as long as I did.
Technically, Beebles is my half sister, though I've never thought of her that way. She's Mamacita's eldest daughter, from her first marriage, which was abusive in the extreme. The stories I've heard from other family members who were around during that time simply turn my stomach. Beebles' father had custody of her and did everything in his power to use that child to punish Mamcita for escaping. I know what that feels like firsthand, but I was fortunate enough to live that nightmare in the late 80's instead of the 60's. The experience gives me an empathy others have no concept of. Sadly, Beebles blames Mamacita.
It's been a source of great heartache in our family...one we've never truly been able to overcome as a unit. As tends to happen in families, the pain keeps rippling outward. How does one cope with the lies a child has grown up hearing, when the source actually tried to tell Beebles own mother that her child's birthday was not on the day she said it was. Ummm...not exactly a rational foe.
Although we only lived an hour and a half from each other, Beebles father didn't permit Mamacita access. We couldn't pick up the phone to chat, hear about her day, know about her life. The exception was two weeks, once a year.
Two measly weeks when Beebles was allowed to visit her family...the mother, sister and step-father who adored her. Fifty weeks a year, Mamacita woke up crying out for her child, but those two blessed weeks, she had her. We had her. I can't forget the excitement I felt on the drive to pick her up, or the heartbreak on the drive to take her back. I would sob the whole way. I can still feel the pain in my chest from trying to catch my breath. When we got home, I would hide in my room and play a song over and over again for days. Same song, every year.
"Last Night I Couldn't Get To Sleep At All" - 5th Dimension
It must have been absolute torture for my parents. When Beebles got home, she wasn't allowed to cry for us...but whether we hid tears or drowned in them, every one of us lived with the pain. It had long-lasting repercussions.
Beebles is still very close with her father. More so than she chooses to be with any of us. For her sake, I've tried for years to forgive him - for what he did to my sister, my Mom and for the mess he made that my Dad had to clean up. For robbing my childhood that way.
I've choked so much crap back because I didn't want to make waves, or cause others pain. Yet, I don't have a choice in the pain other's cause me. This year, I resolved to be true to myself.
The brutal truth is, I'll never forgive that sonofabitch. He doesn't deserve it.
1 comment:
I am glad that my post inspired you to do the same.
Brand New Key! I loved that song as a kid... and every now and then, I find myself singing it, even though I haven't heard the actual song in YEARS! Thanks for the reminder!
As for the rest, I am so sorry that you had all that crap to deal with as a child. Truly only a monster of a human being could use a child the way he did. But you are right, the soundtracks of our life reflect both the good and the bad. You are very courageous to post about it. I hope it helps somewhat in your healing.
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